“Bamidele!” Our school principal’s voice boomed over the microphone, followed by a round of applause. I smiled as Bamidele walked back to the podium with hands filled up to collect yet another award – his 8th prize in the final year awards ceremony that started just an hour ago.
“Wande! My arms are aching; please help me hold some of these,” He called out to me.
I was pissed off, but he was one of my best friends, so I obliged.
“Yeah, sure, give them to me,” I replied, as yet again his name was called, and he ran back to the podium.
Bamidele and I had been close friends since primary school, and our families knew each other, but he had consistently outshone me and all others academically, and I had been vainly trying to beat him for years – now we were finishing secondary school.
The awards ceremony went smoothly, I bagged the awards for the best behaved and best footballer of our graduating class, but for me, it was nothing! Bamidele had all the notable awards.
“Wande, why do you seem so moody?” he asked as we were clearing out our school lockers later.
“Me? Moody? I’m not. Maybe I am just tired from all the dancing,” It was an easy lie, but he kept looking at me, so I took a deep breath and confessed to him.
“Okay, Bamidele, the truth is that… it’s not easy being in your shadow. Since primary school, you always get the best accolades, awards, prizes, and everything!” I looked at his surprised face, but I continued. It was too late to go back.
“Yes! You get everything, and I have to be a good friend and brother; also, I support you. And the truth is, I don’t hate you for it, but I also wish that I could have some moments when everyone is cheering for me too. I also…”
“What? Wait… wait a minute.” Bamidele cuts in.
“Awards? Wande? Are you kidding me? I would give every single one of them to be you!” he finished with a pained look on his face.
I looked at him disbelievingly. “Why? What do you mean by that?” I asked him.
He smiled and said, “You have been my only friend since primary school; you helped me to learn confidence. Wande, people like you easily, especially girls! Girls only talk to me when they want help with their studies or when I am with you. You effortlessly connect with people, and yes, I may lead academically, but you are not far behind, too –you are the real and total package. Now we are done with secondary school, and we may not get into the same university – I don’t know what to do without you!”
We were silent for a few seconds, and then we burst out laughing. We had both unburdened our hearts and felt relieved.
“You’ll be fine without me,” I said. “You just need to pay attention to some social cues – like I don’t understand how you didn’t know that most of those girls didn’t really need help with their studies.”
“Whaaat! All this time?” He exasperated.
“Yes, Bro, they like you too.” I retorted.
Years on, and as I reflect on that conversation, I see how it changed my perspective about myself and how I pursue success. That conversation taught me the following;
- Success often starts with understanding yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Having Self-awareness – a clearunderstanding of your persona, values and priorities can help you make better decisions and stay focused on your goals. If I had been aware of myself, I would never have been comparing myself to my friend.
- My goal should have been doing better for myself, not trying to outdo my friend! So I learnt to do better at Goal-setting – to have a clear and focused vision of what I want to achieve and why. And so, I began to pursue objectives that align with my values and priorities.
- Relationships are vital to success in life.
No man is an island! Build strong relationships with others. Seek out mentors, coaches, and supportive peers who can provide guidance, feedback, and encouragement along the way. Remember that success is not just about achieving your own goals but also about helping others and contributing to something larger than yourself. Bamidele understood this earlier than I did and stuck to our friendship. I had just been a good friend to a good friend and didn’t fully understand the value of what I had.
- That day, I embraced a Growth mindset and started thriving in my own strengths while exploring others. Growth is an essential aspect of life that allows you to evolve and learn from experiences – it means you shed old layers, embrace a new and better you, identify areas that need improvement and celebrate your accomplishments.
In Carol Dweck’s book on mindset, “….people with growth mindset… are always thinking about how they can eradicate their faults and weaknesses. In their relationships, they encourage their partners to learn and work on themselves. In sports, work, or any endeavour, they show employees and customers respect, are grateful for their work, and ask for honest feedback. They put their energy into supporting, building, and bettering people around them..”
Bamidele and I are still friends, and we are both reasonably successful.
AA.
