Life is unpredictable!

That’s not new!

Have you ever tried so hard that rather than things easing up, they get harder? Or, have you ever found yourself not measuring up to your own potential? Or set goals you were super excited about at one moment, and by the next moment, they appear beyond you?

Have you consistently felt less anytime you come across certain tasks, goals, or people?

What about being trashed, crushed, and doubted by your closest pals, family, or bosses?

Do you feel trapped and entangled in your own web?

If any of these ever crossed your mind, then there is an imbalance somewhere. We are sometimes thrown into confusion, which can be emotionally draining, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and despondent.

We might even have inflicted these on ourselves – just like a friend of mine who had to shut her business down in 2021. The effect of the COVID-19 pandemic played a major role in that decision – as it did for many others too. But in her case, the main cursor was an impulsive gamble on a client without finalizing the agreement. It was something they had done before, and on that note,she invested ahead of time – to save costs. And when the client decided not to honour their understanding, she lost EVERYTHING. She went through a turbulent season, and eventually, she had to start from scratch again – this time stronger and with lessons learnt.

I have also personally experienced phases in life when all seemed like hell had broken loose, and I was being swept away by tides too strong for me to hold. Let me share one of my own experiences of those seasons of life. I had just been liberated from village life in Ago-Iwoye, Ogun State, Nigeria. I was moving to Ibadan – a big city in Nigeria. 

I was ecstatic! I was going to work in the big city! Back then, places like London, Lagos, and America were heavenly heights to me. An aunt of mine helped me to secure a bartender or barman’s job at Ibadan Recreation Club – IRC, also a very popular place in the region at the time.

I was too excited the night before my resumption that I only slept for a few hours. I got up in the early hours of the morning, and I was dressed and ready for work. I had borrowed some cash from my aunt to get to work, and I had planned an extra 1 hour just to get there before everyone else. The journey to IRC was delayed, but I still arrived in good time. 

There were 2 of us starting on the same day, and we were introduced to everyone by the section manager.

The first guy, Wale, was introduced and received with, welcome!

Then came my turn, and I said my name is Akin, and to my surprise, I was shouted down by the club members,

‘Akin, kini! Iwo Akin?’ – ‘Do you know the meaning of Akin’

‘Akínkanjú, Okunrin meta’ – ‘A man of valor?’

‘Do you know Akin is second-in-command to the leaders in Yoruba land?’

‘Akins are Balogun, war heroes!

Yoruba people have no respect for cowards like you.’

‘How dare you call yourself Akin, You? A barman? Please choose another name!’ Stammering, I said, ‘Tunde, sir’.

Now, YOU reading this, please tell me, what was my fault? Was I wrong to bear my own name?

And though I felt beaten down at that moment, I pushed forward with my eyes solely on my goal to succeed in life.

Of course, there are, and there will be, some seasons of life when you receive all sorts of comments, abuses, and pieces of advice, solicited or not, depending on how public your predicament is – and it could be any other forms of crises: health, financial, career, a personal loss, or any significant unexpected change. Please, just push Forward!

In any crisis, we all experience frustration, anxiety, and hopelessness. Surmounting these situations in life can sometimes be extremely challenging – requiring time and immense effort. However, I have found that maintaining emotional balance is key to navigating most crisis.

In one of my quotes, I said, “People will try to deny and erode your identity, but only you can surrender your life’s essence and vindicate them or allow their prophecy to come through.”

As I am maturing, I realize that some random principles I adopted are actually replicable during these unplanned seasons. Here are a few;

I had to come to terms with my reality – I am a barman today, but not forever. I accepted what had just happened as part of my reality. In acceptance, you ignite a drive within you to find a purpose and a driving force that potentially could change your outcome.

I acknowledged my feelings: It’s important to recognize and accept your emotions, even if they are uncomfortable or painful. I was pierced, but I had to keep my emotions in check so it would not waste my opportunities. You should allow yourself to grieve and process your feelings in a healthy way.

I decided to practice self-care: Taking care of yourself physically and mentally is important. You can engage in activities that make you feel good, such as exercising, walking nature, smelling roses, getting enough sleep, spending time with friends and family, or reading. In my case, I had a good time learning about positive thinking and life motivation and walking around gardens to enjoy nature’s beauty.

I started setting achievable goals: From then on, goal setting became part of me. Setting small and achievable goals can give you a sense of purpose and win. This can help boost your selfesteem and confidence, essential for your life and emotional balance.

Seek support: It’s okay to ask for help and support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist – if you need one. I discussed the experience and my feelings with my aunt, and she 4 encouraged me by admonishing, ‘they can’t stop you. There is a reason your mom gave you that name; stay focused’. In times of crisis, we all need a listening ear, advice, and encouragement.

I resisted feeling sorry for myself, as I stayed focused on the present: Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, I focused on the present moment. This can help you stay grounded and avoid getting overwhelmed. I chose rather to become the best barman they ever had. I won’t forget how they felt when I announced I was leaving; they begged me to stay.

By taking these steps, someone who has been pulled down can recover and maintain emotional stability and discover a life of balance even when crises of any kind surround them. It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey to recovery is different, and it’s okay to take things at your own pace.

Much Love,

AA.